那些年，我們一起追的女孩、男孩──兩位自閉症譜系青少年的追愛歷程之敘事探究
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2019
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本研究旨在敘探兩位不同性取向自閉症譜系青少年的追愛歷程，並探究其異同處，追愛歷程含括戀愛動機、追求技巧、愛情觀及歷程變化。
本研究採敘事探究取向，透過深度訪談與半結構訪綱來蒐集資料並持續反閱文本及後續分析，以敘寫出兩位研究主體那些年的追愛故事。
研究結果揭示：單戀哥共四段追愛情事，對象為女孩。他著重對方長相及其散發的吸引力，第一眼好感後才有後續可能。追求傾向以自然方式建立關係，如：觀察、等待和搭聊，並以暖男角色伴她左右（安慰、做事），再送上所需（暖暖包、熱巧克力）。四段情事中，唯第二段屬一見鍾情，其他三段皆是日久生情，追愛風格趨向友誼式的愛情。其追愛態度偏安全保守，有愈長大愈難告白的現象。自身ASD曾帶來不少困擾，常不知如何消化心裡的情思，後也能以簡單不多想來自我調適。愛情觀是不強求也不將就，且願以專情包容來相待，其認為愛是兩人喜歡，簡單好好地過著。
外交哥共四段追愛情事，對象為男孩。第一段是想要有人陪；第二段是因對方未被社會化的單純，喚起想照顧的本能；第三段則與前段相反，角色轉被動，渴望被照顧；第四段認為對方心理成熟，值得攜伴。其共通點是一位像男孩的男人：可愛帥氣的外表、單純簡單的性格及獨立成熟心理。追求講究主動出擊，如：狂找搭聊、送禮定情及表意告白。追愛風格會因人因事而展現多樣性，從最初的懵懂遊戲、單純奉獻、情慾瘋狂到現在的穩定長遠。曾視ASD為詛咒，不懂愛情裡的分寸應對，後認它是麻木的禮物。隨時間和事件的積累，才摸索出一套正確的感情認知，透過內化反饋來調整行為。家庭與獸圈分別是一推一拉的兩端。其經歷懷疑覺察、測試探索、壓抑混亂及接受認同等四階段的性向自我認同。愛情觀重點是「喜歡」本身，而非性別，且愛對其是不可或缺，但非全部。
探析他們追愛歷程的異同處，相似處是他們自有對方條件的內隱偏好，也都曾陷入ASD迴圈後，再自我調適，且愛情不僅改變自身也緩解ASD，以及其愛情舉止皆帶有獨特的理性思維。相異處則是截然不同的追愛風格與全然相反的告白進程。其各顯現不同的追愛課題：單戀哥是「為愛跨越自我的舒適圈」，原是木訥自我，後則表現主動溫暖的那面，學習如何付出關懷。外交哥是「為愛調整步調與性向認同」，他曾愛得很用力，卻愈無能為力，後放慢步調，調整過激行為與負面思考，並勇於接受同性戀的自己。建議教育人員應關心自閉症譜系者在愛情裡的體驗與其面臨的問題，並融入特殊需求領域課程，協助其自我認同。
This study aims to explore and analyze the similarities and differences in the pursuit of love by two adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) having different sexual orientations. Aspects of the process such as motivation for love, pursuit skills, concept of love, and changes in the process were assessed. This study adopted the narrative research method; through in-depth interviews and semi-structured interview outlines, data were collected and subsequently analyzed, and the love stories of the two research subjects were examined. The results of the study reveal that Mr. Unrequited has a total of four love stories for the girl. He focuses on the girl’s looks and attractiveness. He thinks that there is a possibility for love if he feels good when laying sight on the girl for the first time. When he pursues a girl, he tends to build a relationship in natural ways. He observes and waits to chat with the girl; acts affectionately with her (e.g., by making her comfortable and doing chores); and gifts her goodies (e.g., hand warmers and hot chocolate). Among the four love stories, only the second one was love at first sight, while the other three developed over a period of time. He tends to love the girl like a good friend. He pursues love in a secure and conservative way, and the more his love develops, the more difficult it becomes to confess. His ASD often causes a lot of troubles. Very often, he does not know how to deal with the feelings in his heart. He would adjust himself in a simple way by not thinking too much about it. His concept of love is “no insistence and no settlement,” and he is willing to treat the other person with sympathy and tolerance. He believes that love should be simple between two persons who like each other. Mr. Social has pursued love four times. He is attracted toward men. In his first romantic relationship, he wanted a companion. In the second one, his partner was innocent and had not been socialized, which evoked the Mr. Social’s instinct to take care of him. In his third relationship, in contrast to the previous one, he longed to be cared for by others. In his fourth relationship, he thought the other party was mature and that it was worth being in a relationship with him. The commonality between his lovers was that they were all men who looked or acted like boys. They were cute and handsome, had simple personalities, and independent and mature minds. Mr. Social actively pursued love by constantly looking for and chatting with those who interested him, giving gifts, and directly confessing love. There could be diversity in his pursuit styles with different people: from ignorantly “having fun” in the beginning or simple dedication, passion, and madness to long-term stability. Owing to his ASD, he did not know how to deal with love in the beginning and, later, felt numb to love. With the passage of time and the occurrence of various events, he collated a set of correct emotional perceptions and adjusted his behaviors through internalized feedback. He felt stretched by his family and the furry fandom (i.e., a world where people can immerse themselves and escape from reality) from two ends. There were four stages in his sexual self-identification, namely, doubt/awareness, test/exploration, suppression/confusion, and acceptance/identification. His concept of love was focused on “liking” rather than gender, and although he perceived love as indispensable, he did not think of it as all. After analyzing the similarities and differences in the pursuit of love by the two participants, it was found that the similarities are that they both showed “implicit preference” to the conditions of their lovers and that they both suffered from ASD but learned to re-adapt themselves. Love not only changes them but also alleviates the symptoms of ASD. Their behaviors in love show their unique rational thinking. The differences are that they show completely different styles in their pursuit of love and confession of love. Each of them followed different processes in the pursuit of love; for example, Mr. Unrequited “crossed the comfort zone for love.” He was originally dull but later showed an active and gentle side and learned to give and to care for others. Mr. Social “adjusted the pace and identified his sexual identity.” He had loved deeply, but he was helpless. Later, he slowed down and reviewed excessive behaviors and negative thinking, and he bravely accepted his homosexual self. We recommend that educators should be aware of the experiences in love among those diagnosed with ASD and the problems they face; the courses in the special needs domain must be integrated to help them identify themselves.
This study aims to explore and analyze the similarities and differences in the pursuit of love by two adolescents with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) having different sexual orientations. Aspects of the process such as motivation for love, pursuit skills, concept of love, and changes in the process were assessed. This study adopted the narrative research method; through in-depth interviews and semi-structured interview outlines, data were collected and subsequently analyzed, and the love stories of the two research subjects were examined. The results of the study reveal that Mr. Unrequited has a total of four love stories for the girl. He focuses on the girl’s looks and attractiveness. He thinks that there is a possibility for love if he feels good when laying sight on the girl for the first time. When he pursues a girl, he tends to build a relationship in natural ways. He observes and waits to chat with the girl; acts affectionately with her (e.g., by making her comfortable and doing chores); and gifts her goodies (e.g., hand warmers and hot chocolate). Among the four love stories, only the second one was love at first sight, while the other three developed over a period of time. He tends to love the girl like a good friend. He pursues love in a secure and conservative way, and the more his love develops, the more difficult it becomes to confess. His ASD often causes a lot of troubles. Very often, he does not know how to deal with the feelings in his heart. He would adjust himself in a simple way by not thinking too much about it. His concept of love is “no insistence and no settlement,” and he is willing to treat the other person with sympathy and tolerance. He believes that love should be simple between two persons who like each other. Mr. Social has pursued love four times. He is attracted toward men. In his first romantic relationship, he wanted a companion. In the second one, his partner was innocent and had not been socialized, which evoked the Mr. Social’s instinct to take care of him. In his third relationship, in contrast to the previous one, he longed to be cared for by others. In his fourth relationship, he thought the other party was mature and that it was worth being in a relationship with him. The commonality between his lovers was that they were all men who looked or acted like boys. They were cute and handsome, had simple personalities, and independent and mature minds. Mr. Social actively pursued love by constantly looking for and chatting with those who interested him, giving gifts, and directly confessing love. There could be diversity in his pursuit styles with different people: from ignorantly “having fun” in the beginning or simple dedication, passion, and madness to long-term stability. Owing to his ASD, he did not know how to deal with love in the beginning and, later, felt numb to love. With the passage of time and the occurrence of various events, he collated a set of correct emotional perceptions and adjusted his behaviors through internalized feedback. He felt stretched by his family and the furry fandom (i.e., a world where people can immerse themselves and escape from reality) from two ends. There were four stages in his sexual self-identification, namely, doubt/awareness, test/exploration, suppression/confusion, and acceptance/identification. His concept of love was focused on “liking” rather than gender, and although he perceived love as indispensable, he did not think of it as all. After analyzing the similarities and differences in the pursuit of love by the two participants, it was found that the similarities are that they both showed “implicit preference” to the conditions of their lovers and that they both suffered from ASD but learned to re-adapt themselves. Love not only changes them but also alleviates the symptoms of ASD. Their behaviors in love show their unique rational thinking. The differences are that they show completely different styles in their pursuit of love and confession of love. Each of them followed different processes in the pursuit of love; for example, Mr. Unrequited “crossed the comfort zone for love.” He was originally dull but later showed an active and gentle side and learned to give and to care for others. Mr. Social “adjusted the pace and identified his sexual identity.” He had loved deeply, but he was helpless. Later, he slowed down and reviewed excessive behaviors and negative thinking, and he bravely accepted his homosexual self. We recommend that educators should be aware of the experiences in love among those diagnosed with ASD and the problems they face; the courses in the special needs domain must be integrated to help them identify themselves.
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Keywords
自閉症, 愛情, 異性戀, 同性戀, 敘事探究, Autism spectrum disorders, Love, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Narrative research