甜美的孤寂：葉人華創作論述

Abstract

本研究自2019年始，筆者以自身注意力不足衝動過動症患者的孤獨感，和身為現代女性的社會角色與多種情感經歷為出發點，透過文獻探討，爬梳藝術史中的男性中心主義，與當今影像世代中的男性凝視，如何影響現代女性自我身體意象，以此探討當今社會中女性的孤獨；而女性藝術家如何透過作品自我詮釋以肯定自身形象與身體經驗，並從中反映當代女性的孤獨與堅韌，建立以女性為主體的藝術創作方向與敘事手法。本文以筆者的繪畫創作為研究對象，探詢女性的存在孤寂性與肯定女性身體經驗的積極意義，運用繪畫創作論述作品理念，找到適切的表現形式與視覺語彙，同時在創作理念的闡釋上與文本相互參照以確立其發展脈絡的正確性，透過創作過程尋找真實自我，表達筆者身為當代女性面對存在焦慮時展現的堅韌，從「他者」成為「為己存有」，使孤寂呈現甜美的狀態，以建立反映當代社會氛圍的繪畫風格。在筆者的創作中，經期間生理上的變化與心理感受，透過嫣紅流竄於背景，與身體融合又消逝，如同月經一次次來訪。透過對月經的反思與詮釋，以此內在風景隱喻著關於生殖、繁衍或對生命與死亡的想像：生命何其涼薄，卻又豐盛滿溢；生命是一場甜美的孤寂。This research began in 2019, when the author drew on personal experiences as a lonely modern woman with ADHD of various social roles and rich emotional experiences. The author, utilized a literature review to not only to sort out how androcentrism in art history and the male gaze in modern visual culture influence modern women’s body image and female solitude in society, but also to inquire how female artists affirm and define their body image and body experience through self-interpretation of their artworks. The research also reflected the solitude and tenacity of women in modern society, in addition to establishing a female-centered creative direction and self-narrative.This article takes the author's artistic creations as the research subject, thus making inquiries into the loneliness of women's existence and affirms the positive significance of women's body experience through art work to discuss the creative statement and finds the appropriate form of expression and visual vocabulary. In addition, the interpretation of the creative concept is related to the article. Cross- references are utilized establishing the accuracy of the article’s development of the idea of finding one’s true self through the creative process, and express the tenacity of being a modern woman while facing existential anxiety. From the idea of “the Other” to “being-for-itself”, solitude is reimagined as a luscious state, in order to establish a painting style that reflects the contemporary social atmosphere.In the author's creations, the physiological changes and psychological feelings of menstruation flow through the background’s vivid red hues, then merge with the body and disappear, just like the monthly visitor’s repeated visits. Through the reflection and interpretation of menstruation, this inner landscape is a metaphor for procreation, reproduction, and the imagination of life and death. Life is cruel, yet full of abundance; life is a luscious solitude.