過去，現在，與未來：中年女同志生命述說

Abstract

在異性戀常模與父權體制的社會脈絡下，中年女同志不論是在異性戀社會或是同志的社群中，其生活經驗均不容易被看見，在諮商領域中，從研究乃甚至實務的範疇，中年女同志的生活經驗與需求，亦較少被注意。因此，本研究透過深度訪談，採取敘說研究的分析方式，了解在歷史、社會文化的脈絡下，中年女同志是如何形塑自己的認同與實踐同性情慾，而時空挪移的歷程中，所採取的出櫃姿態以及與周圍環境對話的方式；最後，描述中年女同志的感情互動方式。本研究將透過質性研究的方法來理解、歸納、敘說中年女同志的生命故事，期待能夠重新看見她們的故事，她們的存在。 本研究結果顯示，中年女同志雖然是一個概括性的名詞，名詞底下的生命經驗卻相當多元，無法以一概之。而恐同的歷史脈絡與演變的社群次文化下，影響著中年女同志的認同、出櫃與情感關係，而這三者之間亦相互影響。 在認同上，研究中看到中年女同志有些有穩固的性別認同與女同志認同，但亦有跨性別或是情慾流動的可能；在社群次文化的影響下，中年女同志在加入社群時可能擁有明確的T/P認同，但此認同亦可能隨著時間轉變。在出櫃議題上，中年女同志若在認同階段接收到較多的恐同訊息，則可能採取較保守的出櫃態度與方式，或選擇隱入櫃中；但影響出櫃的因素複雜，產生的影響亦深刻的影響中年女同志的生命與情感經驗。 最後，在情感經驗上，中年女同志可能從來未曾進入穩定的伴侶關係之中，亦可能經營長期/短期的伴侶關係，其關係樣態除了與個人人格特質與關係模式相關之外，亦深受社會環境同志友善度與法律限制的影響。In the social context of heterosexual norm and patriarchy, composed of both heterosexual and gay community, middle-aged lesbian’s life experiences are not easily seen. In counseling profession, academic research and even real practices, the experience and needs of middle-aged lesbian have received little critical attention. Therefore, through in-depth interviews and narrative analysis, this study seeks to understand the historical, social and cultural context of middle-aged lesbians and how they shape their own identity and practice of homosexual desire. This study also considers the practice of coming out and the dialectical relationship between self and the social landscape. Finally, this study examines the emotional interaction between middle-aged lesbians. Using a qualitative approach, this study seeks to understand, categorize, and describe the life experiences of middle-aged lesbians to reconsider their story and existence. The results of this study show that although middle-aged lesbian is a general term, life experience under the term is quite diverse, and that the historical context and evolution dialectically affect their coming-out, identity, and approval. On the matter of approval, this study finds that some middle-aged lesbians have strong gender identity and lesbian identity. But there is also the possibility of cross-gender tendency or changing of sexual desires. Under the influence of subcultures, middle-aged lesbians can obtain a clear T / P identity recognition when they join the gay community. But this recognition may also change over time. On the subject of coming out of the closet, middle-aged lesbians receive more homophobic messages; therefore, they take a more conservative attitude and actions or evenconceal their identity and choose to stay in the closet. However, because of the complexity of factors that influence the coming out of the closet, it inevitably has a profound impact on the experience and emotion of middle-aged lesbians. Finally, on the emotional experience, the results indicate that middle-aged lesbians may have never entered a stable relationship or be in a long-/short-term relationship. In addition, the management of intimate relationship is not only influenced by personal characteristics and relational paradigm but also by the social environment, friendliness of the community, and legal restrictions.