離婚後與子女離居女性之婚姻與母職之心理歷程敘事研究

Abstract

本研究目的在瞭解離婚後與子女離居之女性的婚姻與母職心理歷程。研究過程強調後現代心理學對個人建構自我生命故事主體的觀點。研究對象為四位協議離婚並選擇與子女離居的女性。研究方法採用生命故事敘說的訪談方式，並以「整體—內容」方式分析所得敘說資料，繼而對婚姻和母職故事的重要主題進行理解與詮釋。 研究結果發現女性帶著來自原生家庭的議題進入婚姻，直到於載滿父權意識的婚姻軌道上遭遇挫折，才發展出對過往生活主題的覺知，繼而對自己內在欲求重新認同並加以承擔，而走上離婚並與子女離居的路。此行動主體現身歷程，關鍵在於女性能認明自身欲求，發展出超越原來生命故事主題的意志。 女性離婚後選擇與子女離居的原因包括：達成離婚協議的權衡、考量自身情緒狀態、缺乏經濟與照顧資源、對前夫的怨以及人情倫理的考量。探視過程面臨的課題包含：內心罪疚感受；在「補償」和回應孩子真正需求之間拿捏；面對孩子不諒解或情感疏離的狀態；因與前夫的情緒糾結，讓孩子陷入三角關係；接應孩子遺憾悲傷的感受；擔憂孩子的適應與成長又感到無能為力；練習在親子關係與另一段親密關係之間求取平衡。離居後母職經驗，因掙脫主流價值觀束縛，呈現出親子間更平等真實的連結，同時對自身母職信念與實踐發展出更具力量的認同。最末。母職與婚姻經驗之間相互建構的情形為：為孩子承擔的意志，鼓舞女性忍讓以及面對婚姻分歧的力量。婚姻挫折處引領對自身母職的反思。同時，婚姻歷練出的人生態度也為母職注入了新的元素。 根據研究結果，本研究認為離婚後與子女離居的女性，若能覺知自身抉擇與處境推移的意義，面對離婚至與子女離居的孤單及矛盾處境，進而尋求改變，就能建構更具自我認同與自我實現的生命故事。最後，本研究依據此重要發現針對離婚後與子女離居女性的諮商與教育課題提出建議。

The purpose of the study was to understand the psychological process of mariage and mothering of divorced mothers. The research process emphasized the postmodern psychological perspective. Participants were four women who divorced and chose to separate from their children. The narrative interview data were analyzed by holistic-content method. The results showed that women brought issues from their original families into their marriage. It was not until they encountered frustrations in their patriarch marriage that they started to become aware of the issues of their past and re-identify internal needs to finally chose to divorce and separate from their children. The key to the process was that women were able to accept their needs and develop will-power getting beyond their original life stories. The reasons for women to choose not live with their children after divorce included: the power struggle to divorce agreement, considerations of self emotional conditions, lack of resources to take care of the children, resentment toward ex-husband, and considerations of ethics. The issues faced during the process of visitation included feelings of guilt, finding the balance between compensation and responding to the actual needs of the children, facing the emotional detachment and unforgiving attitude of the children, putting children into the position of triangular relationship with ex-husband, taking children’s feelings of sorrow and grief, helplessly worrying about children’s adjustment, struggling to balance relationship between children and their intimate partner. Because of breaking away from the bondages of mainstream values, these women have a more equal and real connection with children. At the same time, develop powerful identity of their mothering belief and practice. Finally, the mutual construction of mothering and marriage experiences were as follows: the will to be responsible for children, encouragement for women to endure and face marriage diversion. Frustrations in marriage make them think about and reflect on their motherhood. At the same time, the new life attitude that has been shaped out of marriage has added new elements into mothering. According to the results of this study, the women not living with their children after the divorce were more capable to construct a life story of self-identity and self-realization if they were aware of the meanings behind their decisions, faced the contradictory condition, and sought changes. According to the important findings of this study, suggestions on the counseling and educational issues of the divorced women who live separately from their children were proposed.