滿懷恩典：走過懷孕失落的悲傷療癒旅程之自我敘說

Abstract

本論文是研究者透過自我敘說方法來探究如何療癒懷孕失落的悲傷，涵蓋一份悲傷地圖和三個不同的旅程。 一、悲傷地圖：研究者整理國內有關懷孕失落的文獻，幫助讀者理解懷孕失落婦女在台灣的社會文化下的悲傷反應、衝擊影響和療癒方法，同時是懷孕失落婦女踏上悲傷療癒旅程的指引。 二、悲傷療癒旅程：研究者回顧五年來經歷懷孕失落後的生命故事，呈現悲傷的歷程與療癒方法。 三、自我敘說之旅：記錄研究者在自我敘說研究的歷程和收穫。 四、自我的奇妙之旅：呈現研究者的「自我」從破碎到整合的轉變歷程，用圖畫輔以簡短的文字來說明。 在研究的終點，研究者領悟了「失落的禮物與悲傷的恩典」。研究者可以平靜接受孩子死亡的事實並和逝去的孩子說再見；與自己和解並修復與他人的關係，進而明白失落的意義是為了教會研究者好好愛自己。研究者在「愛自己」的覺醒後，決定重新學習愛自己，並且在愛自己的實踐中產生新的自我，展開新的人生旅程。

In this thesis, the researcher adopted the self-narrative approach to explore the process and the method of healing the grief of pregnancy loss and covered a set of grief map and three of journeys with disparities. 1.The grief map：the researcher sorted out and reviewed the domestic literatures that were related to pregnancy loss to help the reader comprehend the grief reactions, shock impacts and healing methods for the women under Taiwan's social and cultural influences. These were the guidelines for the women of pregnancy loss to embark their journey of grief healing as well. 2.The grief healing journey：the researcher applied to a five-year historical retrospect of the pregnancy loss of herself to portray the grieving process and healing methods. 3.The journey of self-narrative：the researcher recorded the process and result of the self-narrative research. 4.The wonderful journey of the self：the researcher presented the transformation of the "self" going through the broken phase and reached the integration, by using brief but succinct text with pictures illustrations. In the end of this study, the researcher comprehended the notion and the significance of "the gift of loss and the grace of grief". The researcher could calmly accept the fact that the baby had passed away and could say goodbye to him. Finally, the researcher reached the reconciliation with herself, and repaired the relationship with others. And then the researcher understood that the true meaning of loss, which was also a chance to teach the one to love oneself. With the awakening of "love oneself", the researcher decided to learn to love herself again which led to give rise to a new "self" in the practice of loving herself. Afterward, the researcher started a new life journey.