一位教育工作者自我蛻變之敘說研究

Abstract

本研究旨在探究擔任教育工作的研究者藉由自我敘說而經歷自我蛻變的歷程。研究所提出的問題是：教育工作者的原生家庭教養模式為何？原生家庭的教養模式，是如何影響並形塑教育工作者的自我？原生家庭教養模式下的教育工作者，如何經歷自我的現身、爭戰及變裝歷程？藉由敘說的歷程，教育工作者自我再生之契機為何？研究採用敘說研究的方法論及「整體—內容」之分析法來呈現研究結果。本研究的結論如下： 一、基於錯愛、親子界限不清及錯誤教養模式的代間傳承，讓教育工作者原生家庭的教養模式主要包括四大類：（一）「主導性」（二）「保護翼」（三）「指責性」（四）「親子界限不清」。 二、教育工作者原生家庭教養模式對自我的影響與形塑包括十大類：（一）缺乏自信（二）活在別人眼光中（三）缺乏挫折容忍力（四）缺乏問題解決能力（五）擁有負向的自我概念與生命腳本（六）界限不清（七）家庭的複製品（八）對親職教育的恐懼（九）容易不快樂（十）長期缺憾下，內在的需求蠢蠢欲動。 三、教育工作者不易掙脫家庭影響與形塑的主要原因有四：（一）初期不易覺察家庭對自我的影響與形塑，不自覺的陷入了過往「制約」下的陷阱。（二）中期已覺察家庭對自我的影響與形塑，卻因教育工作者的自我設限，在「自我應驗預言」與「懶散逃避的心態」驅使下，讓自我不易掙脫過往的束縛。（三）在自我蛻變的歷程中，教育工作者需先經歷「變裝自我」的爭戰歷程。（四）教育工作者無力背負「不孝『順』」的罪名。 四、教育工作者在自我敘說歷程中展現自我再生的四大資源：（一）「覺察、選擇、行動下的自我再生」（二）「解決導向思維下的自我再生」（三）「心理位移自我書寫下的自我再生」（四）「擁有宗教信仰力量下的自我再生」 最末，根據研究的結論來進行綜合討論，並提出研究者在研究歷程中的反思與本研究的限制及建議，以供後續研究者進行研究時之參考。This study aims to explore the process in which educators accomplish their self-transmutation through the individual self-narrative. To meet the ends, the following questions are raised: 1. what kind of family education the educators are exposed to in their childhood, 2. how the family education influences the educators in their self cultivation and, 3. which opportunity the self-narrative provides for educators in the course of their self-transmutation. In addition, the abovementioned three questions will be approached via narration methodology as well as within the historical content analysis. The answers to the very questions thus lead to the conclusion of this study as follows. In the first place, four models of the educator’s original family education, featured of the undeserved love, the ambivalent parent-child gap, as well as the wrong family education through the generational hand-down, are closely examined: A. domination, B. over-protection, C. accusation and, D. ambivalence. Second, the four models will result in a variety of disadvantages in educator’s self cultivating process which cover: A. inconfidence, B. non-autonomy, C. frustration, D. incapacity of problem-solving, E. negative thinking, F. ambivalence, G. the replica of original family model, H. patriarchal panic, I. unhappiness and, J. the craving excess due to emotional poverty. Third, when educators live up to their parents’ expectation, they by no means get rid of the family education influence and image afterwards. It involves four major reasons that account for how family education influence and image take roots in memories. In the beginning, the educators, unaware of the family influence and image in the early days, get easily caught in the trap of passing their past memories unconsciously. In the middle stage, educators, despite the awareness of the family influence and image, still feel hard to escape from them due to their setting limitations on self-transmutation. In the course of self-transmutation, educators have been through struggles of “self-disguise” from time to time. Moreover, educators bear the heavy moral burden of disobedience or betrayal in the patriarchal society. Through self-narrative, educators, however, will be equipped with abundant resources and opportunities for self-transmutation, which consist of A. consciousness, choice and action, B. solution-tendency thought, C. psychological displacement and self-writing, as well as D. the power of religion. Finally, this study will provide a wider platform for further discussions on the very issue and reflect on the potential limitations during the research. Meanwhile, it will also pave way for further researchers.