在現實、虛幻間游移－曾仁甫水墨專題我的母親創作自述

Abstract

筆者母親因長期受疾病折磨、之後甚至因腦中風而造成某種感知上的異常，幻聽與幻視、妄想，而其幻覺的存在往往造成筆者及家人某種程度上的困擾，因而觸發筆者想以此題材作為創作的動機，母親原是筆者相當熟悉而親密的對象，因疾病的影響卻讓筆者體會到、看到一個不一樣、不熟悉的母親形象，有時，她彷彿存在一個筆者所不理解的世界裡，與之搏鬥；有時，她會無助的祈求幫忙，但對於筆者母親妄想中的世界，當然筆者無能為力給予任何協助，帶給筆者一種虛幻不真切的感受，但大部分的時間裡，筆者的母親和筆者一起作息生活、互動又是真切的存在。基於此筆者想藉由創作描繪出筆者母親種種形象，來傳達筆者內心對於人的感知與存在之間的想法。

關於理論依據，筆者分析中西學理論中關於存在的本質、事物的兩面性，及表現主義克羅齊與柯林伍德關於創作的直覺、表現、想像與情感等諸多觀點。事物的兩面性又分為：從存在主義列維納斯提出人有真實的表象與為偽善的內在、及老子的有無說加以論述。

筆者提出「滲印法」配合潑墨、潑彩和白描等技法進行創作，並列述創作形式的選定與畫面規劃及創作進行的轉折。並逐件針對筆者的作品創作，加以分析創作當下筆者內心的感受和想法，及畫面的安排、位置經營、技法的運用……等，及企圖傳達的意象。My mother suffers from disease for a long time. A stroke deprived her of normal perceptions, creating illusion in the world she sees, hears, and thinks about. On the one hand, her condition causes some disturbances to our lives. On the other hand, I am inspired to artistic creation by her condition. My mother used to be a familiar figure for me. Disease, however, makes her different and gives me a unfamiliar mother figure. She exists and struggles in a world I could not understand. Sometimes she asks for help, yet I am helpless in dealing with her illusory world and everything feels unreal to me. In other times, however, we are living together, having normal daily interactions; everything feels real then. This situation forms the basis of this ink painting series. I want to portray aspects of my mother as a means of expressing my ideas of human perception and existence.

The theoretical ground of my works comes from the Chinese and Western philosophies, especially those about the essence of existence and the duality of things. I find inspiration from Expressionist’s Croce and Collingwood and refer to their discussions about intuition, expression, imagination, and sentiments of artistic creation. In terms of duality of things, I will adopt Lao Tzu’s discussion of “being and non-being” as well as the Existentialist view of Lévinas about the external authenticity and internal hypocrisy.

For my creative works, I adopt the techniques of “ink diffusion” with splash ink, splash color, and ink drawing. By “ink diffusion,” I mean the technique of painting on two pieces of rice paper stacked together. The paper on the upper layer will capture the complete image, while the image on the lower layer will be presented in diffused and blurred ink. Then I will describe the selection of creative forms, the design of composition, and the twists in the actual creative process. I will also describe my feelings and thoughts about individual works and analyze their arrangement of image, the management of locations, the use of techniques, and the images I attempt to portray.