雨後有彩虹？男同志向父母出櫃的故事

Abstract

近年同志運動風起雲湧，同志與婦女團體致力推展同志友善的福利、法令、教育政策等制度，同志議題逐漸獲得政府、學界、社會大眾重視，然而運動的進展卻也遭逢保守勢力反挫，質疑同志教育混淆兒童與青少年的性別認同。公領域的政治角力如火如荼，回到私領域的家庭中，父系家族責任與父母期許成為男同志難以承受之重，男同志向父母出櫃為關係帶來何種變化？ 本研究以五名男同志的敘說故事體現同志的認同經驗，勾勒出櫃歷程的親子關係樣貌，每則故事宛如一段豐富而獨特的旅程，分別名之為「自強獨立」、「含蓄溫敦」、「掙脫心鎖」、「消極無奈」、「體諒省察」。研究結果顯示男同志認同經驗始於覺察自己與異性戀的差異，歷經階段性的調適最終達成正向認同，對男同志而言，同性吸引與情愛的感受皆自然發於本心，並未感到迷惘困惑，也並非遭受誘導，壓迫主要來自於外在社會規訓，因此揭露真實自我成為男同志出櫃的主要內在動因與意義，此外愛情交往經驗、正向親子關係、同志社群亦為促發出櫃之因。男同志出櫃之後引發父母震撼、傷心、憤怒等負面情緒，男同志採行正負面論述、訴諸情感、經濟獨立、心照不宣、陽奉陰違、期望合流等方式抗爭與妥協，經歷衝突、冷戰、協調、接納等過程，在時間緩衝之下雙方的心理親近感有所提升。即使如此，父母傳統期望、媒體恐慌仍然不時浮現，男同志與父母在文化規訓下陷入「不問不說」的窘境，形成情感與認知的斷層。簡言之，出櫃並未立即釋放同志身分的重擔，親子間仍存諸多權力拉扯，有賴家庭親子真誠溝通、學校納入同志教育、大眾媒體摒棄偏見由男同志角度出發，方能積極消除同志污名，增近親子關係。

Recent years have seen increased attention being given to LGBT movements. Gay and women’s associations endeavor to promote the welfare, law, and education policy that protect gay minorities. Gay issues are getting considerable attentions from government, academic communities, and mainstream popularity. However, the conservatives are opposed to these changes and question that LGBT curriculum will make children and teenagers confuse their sexual orientation with gender identity. The conflict between gay and dissenters is just like a wildfire. When gay men come back home, family becomes an unbearable burden. What will happen if gay men come out to their parents? This research includes five narratives about gay men’s identities and coming-out experiences. Each one is like a unique life tour. They are “Independence”, ‘‘Implicit Love”, ‘‘Release”, ‘‘Escape”, and ‘‘Introspection”. The results reveal that gay men’s identities start from being aware of differences from heterosexual. Gay men undergo adjustments and finally reach identity acceptance and pride. For gay men, both attraction and affection to other men originate in nature, not in confusion, mistakes, or temptation. Social disciplines are the major stress. Therefore, self-disclosing is the major motivation and meaning to come out. Besides, romance experiences, positive parents-son relationship, gay communities are catalysts of coming out. Coming-out makes parents shock, sorrow, and rage. Gay men utilize some strategies such as positive and negative statements, resorting to affection, being autarkical, tacit understanding, ostensible obedience, and compliments on parents’ expectations. As time goes by, gay men and parents go through conflicts, cold wars, adjustments, acceptances and finally get closer intimacy. However, parents’ expectations of getting married and homophobia created by mass media still emerge at times. Gay men and parents are involved in “do not ask, do not tell” because of the culture norms. It forms a gap between emotional acceptance and truly understanding. In brief, coming-out is not a panacea that guarantees happy endings for gay men and parents; they are still in the toils of power plays after coming out. It is recommended that gay men and parents establish open and honest communications; LGBT issues are adopted into formal curriculum; mass media move from prejudices to gay stances. Therefore, stigma on gay men will be eliminated and relationship between parents and son will benefit.