理想伴侶意象與現實伴侶知覺差異之親密關係調適歷程研究

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2012

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本研究旨在探究交往初期深感理想伴侶意象與現實伴侶知覺間有差距的個體,如何調適理想與現實間的差距而保有目前滿意親密關係之調適歷程。本研究透過立意取樣,邀請到三位與伴侶初交往時年齡介於23到27歲的男女接受訪談,敘說其理想伴侶之形成,及調適理想與現實差異的愛情故事,並藉由整體-內容分析及部分-內容分析進行三位研究參與者的資料分析,再進行跨個案的綜合討論與分析。 本研究主要的發現為: 一、理想伴侶意象形成的相關的因子包括:家庭經驗、自我意象、過去感情經驗,以及社會網絡與社會文化。 二、交往初期深感伴侶不符合理想的個體,其理想伴侶意象對親密關係的影響途徑包括:(一)在關係初期與關係衝突期,這兩種關係品質較低的時候現身,以及在有其他選擇對象且關係承諾低的時候現身;(二)現身時扮演篩選、評估、解釋、促發調適,及促發改變伴侶的角色;(三)現身時對關係的負向影響力在個體感受到不受伴侶重視時最強烈;(四)現身時會使個體在關係初期較難看到真實的伴侶,常會比較,因而負向情緒較多,易懷疑彼此適配性;而成功調適的個體則能聚焦當下,減少比較,負向情緒減少,關係認定提高。 三、成功調適的個體面對理想與現實差距所採取的因應策略包括:「採用正向與多角度觀點,增加欣賞與接納」、「自我觀察、反思與調整」、「增加理想的彈性」、「偶爾試圖改變伴侶,但不執著」、「妥善處理自身情緒」、「成熟地溝通」、「信任靈性的力量與緣分」及「修正理想伴侶意象」。 四、成功調適個體可能會經歷一些重要的轉捩點,包括:「信任伴侶對關係的投入」、「來自早期經驗的個人關係需求獲得滿足」、「切斷伴侶行為與過去負向關係經驗的連結」、「自我價值感在關係中穩定或提昇」、「時空距離問題暫減除,增加溝通與親密」及「生活巨變與重要他人的允諾與指派」。 五、在個體的調適歷程中,影響親密關係調適的內外在因子包括:個人調適因子、關係保護因子、社會網絡因子、社會文化因子,以及外在環境因子。 六、在個體的調適歷程中,親密關係也會對理想伴侶意象產生影響,從而形成一循環調適歷程。成功調適後的親密關係對理想伴侶意象的影響途徑包括:(一)根據伴侶的具備的優點,調整原有理想伴侶意象之內涵的重要性;(二)可能會將伴侶的優點加入理想伴侶意象中;(三)重新正向詮釋理想與現實間的差距。 最後依據研究結果,對身處伴侶與理想落差大的個體、親密關係工作者及相關研究者提出建議。
This study aimed to explore the adjustment process of intimate relationship of the individuals who had been aware of the discrepancy between the image of an ideal partner and the perception of the real partner in early relationship development stage and had gradually adjusted themselves to be satisfied with the present intimate relationship. By adopting the purposive sampling method, this study had selected three adults whose relationship was begun at the age between 23 and 27 years old as the research subject to conduct in-depth interviews to understand the formulation of their image of an ideal partner and their adjustment process of the discrepancy between their ideal and real partner. Moreover, through the holistic-content analysis and categorical-content analysis, the data of the three participants were analyzed, and subsequently the cross-case discussion and analysis also conducted. The research results of this study are listed as follows: 1.The influential factors of the formulation of the image of an ideal partner included: family experience, self image, past intimate relationship, social network, and social culture. 2.For those individuals whose real partner could not match for their image of an ideal partner in early relationship stage, their image of an ideal partner would then come up to his/her mind to affect their intimate relationship in the following situations: (1)The image of an ideal partner would come up in a low-quality relationship such as the early development stage and the conflict stage of the relationship, or in a relationship with low commitment and other contestants. (2)The image of an ideal partner would come up to play the roles of selecting, evaluating and interpreting their partner, and facilitating their own adjustment or the change of their partner. (3)The image of an ideal partner would have the most significant negative impact on the relationship when the individuals felt neglected by their partner. (4)The image of an ideal partner would give the individuals unrealistic expectations for a partner, and they would have more negative emotions from comparing the ideal partner to the real one and also tended to doubt about the appropriateness of the relationship. Contrarily, those successfully adjusted individuals could focus on the present and reduced their negative emotions by reducing comparison, hence a relationship with higher commitment. (5)The strategies that the successfully adjusted individuals would adopt to cope with the discrepancy between the ideal and the real partner included: “admire and accept the real partner by adopting positive and diverse perspectives”, “self-observed, self-reflected and self-adjusted”, “increase the flexibility of the image of an ideal partner”, “try to change partner from time to time, but not too insistent”, “well manage self-emotions”, “communicate with partner in a mature way”, “believe in the spiritual power and fate”, and “modify the image of the ideal partner”. (6)Those successfully adjusted individuals may experience some important turning points, including: “trust in the partner’s engagement in the relationship”, “the personal relationship needs from early experience have been gratified”, “cut off the links between partner’s behaviors and past negative relationship experiences”, “a stable or evaluated self-esteem”, “temporally solve the long distance problem and the communication and intimacy has increased”, and “great change of life and the promise and assignment of significant others”. (7)In the adjustment process, the internal and external factors that would affect the individuals’ adjustment of intimate relationship included: personal adjustment factors, relationship protection factors, social network factors, social culture factors, and environment factors. 3.In the adjustment process, the intimate relationship would also have an impact on the image of an ideal partner, resulting a circling adjustment process. The successfully adjusted intimate relationship would reversely affect the image of an ideal partner in several ways, including: (1)Adjusted the importance of the connotation of the ideal partner image according to what advantages their real partner had. (2)Perhaps added their partner’s advantages to the image of an ideal partner. (3)Reinterpreted the discrepancy between the ideal partner image and the real partner in a positive way. Finally, according to the research results, this study has offered several suggestions for those people who are in the situation of having a partner that is significantly different from their ideal type, intimate relationship workers, and future researchers.

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理想伴侶, 親密關係調適, ideal partner, intimate relationship adjustment

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