繪「生」繪「癮」— 一位具物質依賴之身心科患者踏入成癮防治之自我敘事探究

Abstract

本研究旨在一位以處方藥物為主之物質依賴，強迫症、憂鬱症、餵食及飲食障礙症身心科患者透過敘事探究之自我敘事形式，探查踏入成癮防制工作領域與成癮防治學術領域後與「當下」回溯生命經驗交織出對生命的反思和新的理解。蒐集初始文本及文獻探討與反覆閱讀與敘寫，研究結果與討論中發現，如下:一、 透過「第三人稱」敘寫研究結果，還原回溯生命經驗中分述敘事1.身心科疾病悄悄來拜訪，描述患病前「前兆，成為身心科患者」，患病歷程因調整體態混淆「成功經驗」的定義與連結，以及確診「中醫調養到身心科的那段路」。接續，於敘事2.危中有機?教育人跨足衛政，開始透過以藥抗病「Li『藥』對抗強迫症」；卻急於「復元recovery!」因而「過度用力」的結果。然而，因危機中敘事3.邁進成癮防制與防治人生有「重設reset!」的機會踏入成癮防制相關工作，進而得到踏入成癮學術初識防治觀，與此同時從離開教育志業失而復得「職涯角色重構與轉換」契機。二、 回歸「第一人稱」由「我」詮釋對生命重看產出研究討論，敘事4.敘事探究不只是「敘事」-探自我敘事探究亦僅非「探究」，從敘事探究中尋初衷的原貌，希冀「由”我”重構自我坦露」能「減少一位”像我這樣的人”預防更勝於治療」，以過來人追尋根源「隱沒於成癮背後物質依賴的慣性」透過以「重啟諮商」來「挖掘成癮關係」並切身經歷「停藥、戒斷的滋味」才能夠回首來時徑，有感而發自敘事2.危中有機?問號中含苞待放至開花結果敘事5.危中有機!以驚嘆號再次重看、區辨「找尋”必須投入”」的意義，面對生命時每次的「選擇」能視為一種必須承擔「一體兩面得失的勇氣」，呼應當初那個急於復元recovery的我；在「復原resilience」的過程「慢慢來，比較快!?」，最終仍保留疑問驚嘆號(!?)雙重意涵發揮敘事探究特性與彈性。依「專業實務報告」精神，研究者針對實務工作者、未來相關研究者建議，尤其對於具相似經驗與特質之實務工作者如何幻化「我」的角色，並期待與未來相關研究者交織共創公共教育系統更「長遠」的集體智慧。最終，研究尾聲依口試建議納入生命歷程圖進行研究反思，使得研究尾聲得以製圖描繪出這場繪「生」繪「癮」的探究更加富足獲得小總結。This study explores the self-narrative of a mental disorder with substance dependence primarily involving prescription medication, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, and feeding and eating disorders. Through narrative inquiry, the research examines how entering the field of addiction prevention and intervention intersects with reflections on life experiences and generates new understandings of life in the present.The study involved collecting initial texts, reviewing literature, and engaging in repeated readings and writings. The findings and discussion reveal the following:Through third-person narration, the study reconstructs life experiences in segmented narratives:Narrative 1: When Mental Disorders Quietly Visited — Describes the early signs before becoming a mental disorder, how the pursuit of body modification distorted the definition and connection to “success,” and the journey from traditional Chinese medicine to psychiatric treatment with psychotherapy.Narrative 2: Crisis or Opportunity? An Educator Steps into Public Health — Depicts the use of medication and the consequences of an overly eager pursuit of recovery.Narrative 3: A Reset in Life Through Addiction Prevention and Intervention — Shows how a crisis became an opportunity to enter the field of addiction prevention work and gain initial academic insight, coinciding with a reconfiguration and transformation of a professional identity after leaving a career in education.Returning to the first-person voice, the researcher interprets life anew:Narrative 4: Narrative Inquiry Is More Than Just ‘Narrative’ — Explores the essence of narrative inquiry, hoping that the reconstruction of “self” can help prevent similar suffering for"someone like me." Through revisiting the roots of addiction and confronting the inertia behind substance dependence, the researcher experiences the pain of withdrawal and cessation, enabling a reflective look back. This leads to Narrative 5: Crisis as Opportunity! — A shift from the tentative question mark in Narrative 2 to an exclamation mark re-examination of the meaning behind the “need to engage,” acknowledging that every life choice entails the courage to face both gains and losses. It reflects the earlier urgency for recovery and suggests that “slow is fast” in the resilience process. The use of punctuation (!?) highlights the narrative inquiry’s inherent flexibility and nuance.Aligned with the spirit of a professional practice report, the researcher offers recommendations for practitioners and future researchers—especially those with similar experiences or traits—on how to transform the role of the “I.” The study aspires to co-create a more sustainable collective wisdom within the public education system. Finally, based on oral defense feedback, a life course chart was included at the end of the study to reflect on the research journey, enriching the exploration of life (“sheng”) and addiction (“yin”).